I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
