I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
