like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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