our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
