I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
