Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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