Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
