I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
