goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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