I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
