I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize