he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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