im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
