When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
