Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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