What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
