Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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