Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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