I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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