Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So vagazzling was a success
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
