apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
