Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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