I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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