Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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