My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize