u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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