if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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