I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize