you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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