if you like me you must not know who I am
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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