I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think my moral compass just broke
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