spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
