I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
