We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
