I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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