Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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