No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
