Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
