i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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