and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
