true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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