i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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