Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
