hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
