just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
