I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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