You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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