Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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