Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
