Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
