You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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