I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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