chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
