I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize