am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
