hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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