Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
